


Old Memories

by Writelikethat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Arguing, Artist Castiel, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Police Officer Dean, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-18 01:48:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5893459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writelikethat/pseuds/Writelikethat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is an officer and one night a man is led into the station that bring up old memories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When you are around

Dean was about to head home for the night. He was tired after his shift where nothing interesting happened and he had been sitting by his desk for the last couple of hours with paperwork. At least now he could change out of his uniform and maybe head out to meet with his brother. Sure, it was late, but it was better than hanging out by himself at home on a weekend. 

The door opened with a loud smack against the wall and somebody groaned and slurred a curse. Benny just chuckled and led the drunk man further into the station. Dean raised his eyebrows at his buddy.

“See you are starting your shift with a treat.” Dean commented and Benny shook his head a little. 

The man in handcuffs made a nudge with his hands as he lifted his head from where he had been staring at his shoes, probably really ashamed. He looked like somebody who wouldn’t ever find themselves in handcuffs unless it was intended, like in bed. His clothes were too clean and too expensive and Dean thought that the only reason someone like him had ever been to a police station before would have been because he was there to report something. 

Now that he lifted his head and placed his eyes on Dean they both suddenly froze. Dean remembered those blue eyes. He couldn’t forget them no matter how hard he tried, and believe it he had tried. The owner of that clear blue look was an arrogant bastard and Dean had prayed he wouldn’t have to see him ever again. Blue eyes and broad shoulders be damned.

Trust the guy to show up in the police station where Dean worked, in handcuffs no less. 

“Castiel Novak arrested?” Dean asked and Cas squinted his eyes just like he used to. Well, at least then Dean wouldn’t have to see how blue his eyes were, only that thing made him that much cuter. 

“Dean Winchester? Is it really you? Dean fucking Winchester.” Cas’ voice hadn’t changed much. Still incredibly low and masculine. His soft little laugh made Dean want to punch him square in the face. Dean sighed and sent a desperate glance in Benny’s direction and noticed that he was following the encounter with curiosity. 

“In the flesh.”

“So you’re a cop now? Who would have believed that, huh?” Cas chuckled and Dean gritted his teeth. 

“Well, here I am. What the hell happened to you?”

“Oh, nothing, just a misunderstanding.” Cas tried but Benny rolled his eyes. 

“Hey, man, you tried to steal a car. I caught you in action, so you’re spending the night in a cell and you can talk in the morning.”

“Steal a car?” Dean huffed a surprised laugh. “Well, that’s just perfect.”

“Shut up, Winchester. Go and fill out a form or something to put in a good word for me so I’ll get out of here, yeah?”

“No, no, no. You can’t worm yourself out of this one.” Dean scowled. 

“Not even for old friendships’ sake?”

“There’s no old friendship!” Dean said with fire in his eyes. He had forgotten that it didn’t take anything for him to get worked up about this guy.

“Yeah, okay. You’re still this stuck up guy you were in school. Thought you might have grown up, my mistake.” Cas glared at him, but it wasn’t as intimidating as it used to since he was there in cuffs. Dean stepped close to the guy and stared down at him just inches away.

“You know what, Cas. Fuck you! I’m doing my job, and I can’t just sign a paper for you to be on your way. So have a great night in that cell. Remember to hold on to your watch, some of the guys get a little handsy.” Dean hissed before he grabbed his jacket and marched out the door without looking back. 

 

Dean was fuming even when he half an hour later walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. He didn’t even bother with the beer and when he got the tumbler he downed it in one gulp. He gasped slightly at the burning, but gestured for another one right away. 

Sam came over and frowned. 

“What’s going on? You lose a bet or something?”

Dean froze and stared at his brother before he downed another drink. “No, I’m good.”

Sam nodded, but didn’t seem convinced. 

“Yeah, okay. Well, we need someone to challenge the kids in pool, so get moving.” Sam told him and Dean was happy to be distracted. He needed something to focus on and he was good at pool. 

 

Dean walked into the station the next morning feeling a bit hungover. He knew his boss would be beyond pissed if he noticed, but he was there to do his job and nobody would know. Gabriel came into the room with Benny and they both laughed at something. Benny nodded when he noticed Dean and Gabriel stopped. 

“I see you had to take care of my brother last night.” He commented and didn’t sound the least bit affected by it. 

For some reason, Gabriel went in the same circles as Dean and they had become friends over the years. Gabriel was a year older, and he was totally different from his younger brother who was currently being locked out of his cell. 

Dean tried his best to ignore them. He sat down by his desk and turned on the computer. He heard Gabriel joking around with his brother and he told himself not to look. If he didn’t turn around, chances were Cas wouldn’t even notice him and then Dean would be able to start his day for real. 

He should have known he wouldn’t get away that easily. He startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder and then that voice behind his ear. 

“Winchester, starting up early?” It said and Dean bit his lip, afraid to turn around, afraid of what he might see and even more of what he might end up saying. Cas’ hand though were a firm pressure on his shoulder, practically forcing him to turn around. 

Dean braced himself and looked up with an unamused look. He was glad he had forced his face into serious folds because if he hadn’t he would probably had trouble closing his mouth at the sight. It wasn’t fair that somebody could spend a night in jail and still look that way. But Cas had always been sporting a kind of disheveled look and Dean definitely wasn’t going to stare at the way his hair were all kinds of messy. 

“What do you want?”

“Just letting you know I’m out of here.”

“And what about that car you tried to steal?”

“It was my father’s, and I wasn’t stealing it. A misunderstanding.”

“Of course it was.” Dean rolled his eyes. 

Cas arrowed his brows as he stared at Dean and he leaned closer. Dean could smell the remnants of his perfume mixed with smoke and mint. All he could do was lean back a little so he wouldn’t have to be too close to the man. 

“You’re still convinced I’m the bad guy?”

“I’m just convinced of what I read in the report.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know you are. Just stop being such a nerd and admit it was kind of funny.” Cas chuckled. It bothered Dean that nothing ever seemed to affect this guy. It didn’t matter to him that he spent a night in a cell, because in his world he got a story from it. Dean had never been able to get like that, so relaxed and free and then Cas had to come and rub it in. Nothing had changed in that department either it seemed and Dean gritted his teeth.

“Very funny indeed. Don't you have somewhere to be?” Dean asked with a fake smile. Cas actually decided to come even closer. He stepped forward until he was standing between Dean’s spread knees and Dean worked hard not to blush because of it. Cas' warm thighs were pushing Dean's legs further apart and the suggestion of the action had Dean’s heart beating uncontrollably and forced his breath to come out even instead of in loud huffs. Cas watched Dean with a slow smirk on his face, knowing exactly what he was doing to him.

“Oh, you know I could stand here all day, but I know how you feel about it so I'll be on my way in a second. Just tell me, Dean, will I see you again before I leave this city?” He asked so quietly it was only meant for Dean.

Cas still had a hand on Dean’s shoulder and he tightened his grip for a moment. Dean met his eyes again and swallowed hard. He had to force his eyes to stay on Cas' face, because meeting that grin was making his stomach curl and his head spin. 

“Good, it’s settled then.” Cas said pleased and then he disappeared down the hallway. 

Dean turned to his desk and wanted to kick something. He hated the smug look on Cas’ face and he didn’t need the guy to come around here thinking he could get away with everything. Dean stared at his files and knew he had lots of work, so he definitely wasn’t sitting there cursing the blue eyed man inwardly or thinking about plush pink lips and warm, firm thighs. 

“Dean. Are you even with us today?” Benny stared down at him, leaving from his night shift. 

“Yeah, I’m good. You headed home?”

Benny nodded and gave him a questioning look. 

“What’s going on with you and that Castiel guy?”

“Uh, nothing.” Dean shook his head and pretended he didn’t see the way Benny narrowed his eyes at his obvious lie. 

“Right. I realize you probably know him, but you seemed to be at each other’s throats the second he got here, and not to mention the... thing earlier before he left.”

“Yeah, well some things just doesn’t change.” Dean muttered and moved around some of his files to try and look busy. 

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Nothing to talk about, Benny.” Dean denied but refused to look up at his too perceptive friend. 

“Alright. Let me know if you need something, then.” Benny said before he patted Dean’s shoulder and walked off. 

 

Dean had no intention of really meeting with Cas. All he wanted was keeping to himself until he heard Cas was headed back to whatever place he was living in, doing whatever he did. Dean used to busy himself whenever Gabriel brought up his brother and he didn’t keep track of what he had done since the summer after first year of college. It was merely selv-preservation, because Dean didn't need any reasons at all to think about that guy.

Of course things didn’t go as planned. Because Gabriel’s birthday showed up and there was no way Dean could get out of that one. He had known it would come around, and everybody were going to that party.

Gabriel’s house was huge and perfect for a party, and that was probably part of the reason his parties always were so big. Sometimes Dean would show up and walk around without seeing anyone he knew until he found the kitchen. In his younger days Dean liked those parties, it was a chance of getting to meet someone new. Now he would have preferred a bit more intimate one, with a chance of actually doing something other than drinking and find a game to play. His house had lots of rooms though, so he wouldn’t have to stay in the most crowded area all night, unless that was his safest bet to avoid Cas.

There was birthday cake and champagne, because the Novaks were nauseating wealthy. After the champagne was opened the music was turned up and Dean found his way into the kitchen with Sam and some of their friends. This was where they used to hang out, being in the kitchen where the music was still loud, but not so bad they couldn’t talk. Someone initiated a drinking game and Dean decided to get on board. He had seen Cas somewhere in the living room, and if he were to see the guy later he would need something to help him along. 

Dean got engrossed in a game of spoons. They sat around a table and the drinks were slipping down one by one. For a moment Dean forgot about Cas when he sat with Lisa in his lap who was getting more and more drunk and progressively bolder in her touching. She was practically grinding down into Dean’s lap and he couldn’t help that he wasn’t totally unaffected by it. Seeing as they weren’t the only ones around the table where there was a bit of wandering hands nobody really commented on it expect for Sam’s raised brow. 

Trust Cas to show up and stand leaning in the doorway watching Dean intently like he had all the time in the world. His hair just as messy as before and Dean noticed several bracelets around his slender wrist each time he lifted his bottle. Dean felt Lisa lean into him and nuzzle his neck and there was an amused smirk on Cas’ face. Dean forced his eyes back on the table only to notice all of them staring at him, waiting. 

“Dean, you’re out!” Someone yelled and pushed a shot in his direction. Dean scowled but downed the shot easily. He sent an angry glare at Cas while everybody around the table laughed at him.

Now that Dean was out of the game Lisa leaned closer and kissed his jaw and placed small kisses toward his lips. 

“Get a room you two.” A guy yelled at them and Lisa giggled. Dean grabbed her hand and led her out of there, feeling Cas’ eyes in his neck. 

Dean didn’t look back and instead he walked into the hall with Lisa. She pushed herself against him, but Dean grabbed her hand to stop her. 

“Lis… You should head home.”

“What! Why?”

“Because you’re too drunk.” Dean insisted. Lisa tried again to push closer, but when she almost stumbled in her own legs she blushed and looked down. 

“I’m sorry, Dean.” She whispered and he put his arms around her and pulled her close. 

“Don’t worry about it. I know you’re going through a hard time.” He whispered into her hair. Lisa was alone with her son, and struggled to make enough money so they could have a decent life. Dean tried to help her out from time to time, but he knew she had a hard time. 

Dean eventually got her outside and into a cab that drove her back home. Her son was with Lisa’s parents and for a moment Dean thought about going home with her, to make sure she got to bed alright. Instead he sat down on the stairs to catch his own breath. He was drunk too and took a moment to collect himself. 

When he a moment later found his way back inside the music was still loud and people were dancing. Most of them were getting pretty drunk by now and there was a lot going on. Dean intended on finding Gabe in the crowd, but when he walked through a door it was suddenly blocked and he walked into somebody. It didn’t take long to realize it was intentional when Dean lifted his gaze and met Cas’ smirking eyes.

“Thought you left with your girlfriend over there.” Cas commented and took a step forward; forcing Dean to step back into the hallway. It was much quieter out there even with all the people around.

Dean shook his head. 

“Yeah? She didn’t want you after all?” 

Dean knew Cas was teasing him, testing the waters to push Dean into a fight and he still took the bait. 

“Fuck you, she needed to head home and that’s what I did.”

“Yeah, the perfect gentleman.” Cas nodded and Dean felt his eyes glowing in anger. This guy pushed all of his buttons at once, making it near impossible to stay calm. 

“Just… let it go, man. I was helping out a friend, alright?”

“Sure, sure.” Cas nodded and lifted the hand with all of his bracelets and dragged it through his hair. “Of course I always knew you were the kind of guy who stepped up for his friends.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Dean hissed through his teeth. He needed to get away from this guy. 

“Nothing. Just an observation.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at him, but didn’t comment on it. 

“Hey, Dean. I meant it when I wanted to meet you before I leave.”

“And now you have.” Dean dismissed. Cas tilted his head in a way that made him look like a friendly guy and not a man with tight black jeans, a v-neck t-shirt so tight it revealed sharp hip bones, crazy hair and incredible eyes. 

“No, Dean. I want to meet you so we can talk.”

“We don’t have anything to talk about, Cas. Let me through or I’ll leave the party.” Dean growled. 

Cas didn’t move to let Dean get into the living room, instead he kept staring at him with his intense stare. Dean stared back until Cas suddenly pushed him backwards into a room close by. Suddenly they were alone in a room that looked like a library. Dean didn’t get much time to think about it because he was pushed back against the wall so hard his breath came out in a huff. Cas pressed his knee between Dean’s thighs before he leaned in to devour his lips in a heated kiss. The kiss was full of teeth and desperate sounds. Dean had his arms around the guy, but wasn’t really sure whether he tried to push him off or pull him close. 

Dean was pushed so close to the wall he could barely move and it definitely wasn't hot that he was able to do that. Cas pressed his entire body against Dean's body and the knee between his legs rutted against his rapidly growing dick. Cas pulled Dean’s lower lip between his teeth and then started making his way down Dean’s jaw and neck. Dean let his head fall back against the wall with a loud thud and he moaned as he felt Cas’ erection pressing against his own.

For a moment he gave in, but when his hips started bucking forward Dean suddenly came back to himself. This was Cas for crying out loud. They had enough trouble already. Dean started fighting against Cas and his head snapped up from where he was biting or sucking on his collarbone. Dean definitely didn’t want to complain about the loss of those hot lips. 

“Cas…”

“I know, Dean. Just let me.” Cas’ voice was hoarse and his eyes dark with arousal. God, he looked sinful with those kiss swollen lips. 

“No, Cas wait.”

Cas clashed their lips together making it impossible for Dean to say anything else with Cas’ hot tongue in his mouth. Dean kissed him back, but harder this time. They were desperate and Dean still wasn’t sure if he tried to push the man off or not. 

Cas was still rutting his thigh against Dean and on one particularly good thrust he let out a loud groan which had Cas gasping. 

“Fuck, Dean, you’re hot.” He breathed and before Dean knew it Cas’ hands had found the button of his jeans and he wanted it so bad, but his heart were beating hard in panic. Cas fixed it with practically manhandling Dean into a better position and when he suddenly felt a hand wrap around his cock he gasped and arched his back. 

“Mmh, that’s good.” Cas muttered against his neck. 

“Cas… I ah, yeah… I need.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Cas gasped and moments later Dean’s head fell back against the wall as he groaned. The warm feeling of Cas’ hard cock pressed against his own was almost too much. 

Both were panting hard when Cas took them in hand and started stroking. Dean was back to kissing him hard and they were practically biting each other’s lips and breathing into the other’s mouths. 

Dean couldn’t help but thrust his hips forward and Cas kept his hand around them both as he let his head fall down on Dean’s shoulder and he panted loud while Dean felt himself getting closer embarrassingly fast. 

“Dean, you gotta… I’ll…” Cas gasped and his tense body told Dean he was close too. 

“Yeah, fucking do it.” Dean said and thrust harder against him. They both gasped and Dean let out a surprised cry of pain as he felt Cas’ teeth dig into his neck.

The come was sticky and wet between them and when their breathing calmed down Cas found some paper towels to dry off. Dean looked at his neck and winched.

“Dude, you fucking bit me.”

“Uh, yeah, I tend to do that, remember.”

Dean blushed and groaned and ignored Cas’ chuckle behind him. He turned around and watched Cas as he tucked himself back into his jeans. His face a little red and his eyes were so bright and blue Dean had trouble looking away. There was something about him, there always had been and Dean didn’t know how to deal with it. Because, now he had sticky boxers and a bite mark on his neck, his feelings were all in a twist but because Cas was so stoic and calm he had to appear like he was as well.


	2. We never talked

The mirror showed a face painted with confusion and a bite mark that were turning blue. Dean pulled his shirt higher and knew he had to keep it that way for it to stay hidden through the day. It was bad enough that Sam was nagging to know what happened; if he showed up with that at work he would probably never hear the end of it. 

Dean had left the party shortly after his meeting with Cas and he had spent the rest of the weekend convincing himself it wasn’t a big deal. 

Problem was, Dean hadn’t been able to think about anything else for the entire time. The way Cas had breathed against his neck, pressed him brutally against the wall and forced himself onto Dean. It was a long time since anyone had treated him like that, taken what they wanted and given just as much back. It was undeniably hot and it made Dean hard just thinking about it. 

Dean avoided everyone for the next couple of days. At work he did his job, worked hard at all times, went on his rounds, arrested drunks and wrote several reports. He hadn’t been working this hard since he first started to work there. 

It was all because of Cas. Dean mulled over everything that had happened over the years and he concluded he was angry with the bastard for attacking like he did at the party. Most of all he was mad at himself for being so easy. He didn’t have to have sex with the guy against the wall, but it had happened and now he would just have to work hard to get past it. Forget about how good those hands felt and that firm body pressing him against the wall. 

Cas didn’t contact him, but after a week he showed up at the station under the excuse that he needed to pay for what had happened when he was arrested. Dean knew he was right, but he still felt a little paranoid by the sight of him being there. 

Things like this never affected the guy. If he felt like talking to Dean he would simply come over for a chat, it didn’t matter to him that everybody around them would listen to their argument. Dean was so tense his jaw hurt from the second he saw Cas walking into the station.

Like predicted Cas came over when he had finished making up for his night at their place. Cas leaned casually against Dean’s desk so he was forced to look up at him. 

“Where have you been lately?” Cas started all innocent and annoying. 

Dean plastered a smile on his face.

“Yeah, you know. Been busy.”

“Right. I thought maybe you were avoiding me after our… meeting the other night.” He leaned forward as he spoke and Dean narrowed his eyes. 

“I bet you did.” Dean muttered.

“What? I know how you work and avoiding the things that make you uncomfortable is like your master skill.” Cas huffed but looked more smug than annoyed.

Dean had promised himself he wouldn’t let Cas rile him up again, so he took a deep breath.

“Whatever you say, man. I haven’t been avoiding you.” 

“Good. Then what do you say about meeting me for coffee or something later?”

Dean immediately shook his head. 

“Sorry, got a lot of work this week.”

“Come on, we should be able to talk to each other.”

“Sure, but we don’t have anything to say to each other.”

“Are you sure about that?” Cas’ voice was a low growl that sent a chill down Dean’s spine. Dean swallowed and forced the thought of that day all those years ago to the back of his mind. He really didn’t need another reason to snap at Cas. 

“Come on, Dean.” Cas whispered. 

“Why are you so eager to talk? I don’t remember we ever really talked about things, real things.” Dean said. 

“Yeah, well maybe that’s why.” Cas said and looked at Dean with a different face, a much more familiar one. Honest and kind like the guy Dean had known way back when they were school. Dean swore under his breath and knew he had already lost. He never had the strength to stand against this side of Cas. He let a hand run through his hair.

“Fine. Seven thirty, my place.”

Cas’ face broke into a wide grin as he got up from the desk. 

“I’ll be there.”

“Just get out of here.” Dean sighed and kept his eyes on the screen until he was sure Cas had left him alone again. 

Man, why had had even given in that easily. Cas knew exactly which buttons to push to make Dean get all mushy and unable to stand against him. At least he had the sense to tell him to meet at his place. Being in public would be a bad idea when whatever they were going to talk about would end in a fight. It always did and Dean didn’t see why this was any different than previous encounters. 

 

It wasn’t a date, Dean was absolutely sure. He was hungry and needed to have dinner, that’s why he made the lasagna. And if he cleaned a little in the living room it was only because he didn’t want to have company with sweatpants lying around along with coffee cups and magazines scattered around. When Cas got there the lasagna was almost done and Dean had placed a bowl of salad on his table in front of the TV. At least then it wouldn’t look all that formal and date like. They could eat in front of the TV like he would if he was having dinner with Sam or something. 

Cas greeted him and after standing a while in the kitchen watching Dean finish up the food he walked into the living room. When Dean got there a few minutes later Cas was standing by one of the shelves looking at his pictures. 

“You got a nice place here.” Cas said. 

Dean nodded a thanks as he placed the food on the table and told Cas to help himself. Cas had brought beers so they sat down together with the TV playing in the background. 

“I’ve missed this.” Cas said. “Your food and… company.”

Dean didn’t have much to say to that. Or he did, but it was just too much. He couldn’t get into it all. Cas watched him for a while. 

“I remember how you used to make this mean chili. Even my mother said it was one of the best she’d ever had.” Cas smiled and Dean felt heat rise in his cheek. He remembered that too, he used to spend hours in the kitchen, making up all kinds of stuff and he was good at it. Cas had spent the same amount of hours sitting by a kitchen table with a book or his paintings or sometimes just bickering with him. 

They had been friends back then. All of their friends teased them about how they were the perfect couple but neither of them put that label on them. Because they were fine just like that. Being together every day, sometimes doing absolutely nothing together like spending an entire weekend binge watching a show. Both had been present at each other’s first times of pretty much everything. Cas was there laughing when Dean broke his arm in third grade and Dean had helped Cas when he struggled to learn how to swim. Cas kissed a girl when he was fourteen and Dean had done the same almost a year later. Cas never let that one go. A year after that they learned how to drive together, and then they finally had a car and could drive almost wherever they wanted and that was when they had their first kiss with each other.

Something changed then. They were still around each other all the time. Dean tagged along to some of Cas’ art courses and he would sit there and watch his friends hand clinging to his brush and make the most amazing motifs appear on the canvas. Other times Cas was there when Dean went to training with his team in high school. 

Even if things appeared normal both of them changed a little after that kiss. Neither one talked about it, but that kiss hadn’t happened in the heat of the moment or because they were drunk. It had happened a sunny day while they were eating ice cream from a little truck down by the pier. Cas had been leaning over the table while they had a discussion about their preferred flavors. Dean got annoyed with Cas’ insisting that Dean’s strawberry and vanilla taste wasn’t even able to compete with his own banana chocolate. So then instead of continuing to argue about it he said he should taste it, settle it like Dean always did with Sam when they were little, but Cas snapped his ice cream out of his reach. That’s when Dean said he could just kiss him and then he would taste it. Cas stared at him for a long moment, and then Dean did it. He leaned forward and kissed him. And it wasn’t just a soft peck on his lips. This was to taste the ice cream so he let his tongue brush over Cas’ lips and when he parted them with a surprised little gasp Dean got the taste of his ice cream. After that he never ate anything other than banana and chocolate ice cream. 

 

Having Cas here in his apartment felt foreign in every way possible. After a few beers and with some music in the background they finally seemed to get past some of the awkwardness where they waited for the other shoe to drop. 

“I didn’t know you had your own exhibitions.” Dean said after Cas told him about this gallery he worked close with. 

“Yeah, well… I told Gabe to get you to come with him to one of the openings, but…”

Dean looked down. He hadn’t been paying attention. Deliberately. Besides he wasn’t supposed to feel bad about it either.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Figured if you didn’t come to see me I’d have to go find you.”

“You’re saying you got arrested on purpose?” Dean narrowed his eyes. God, he wasn’t drunk enough for this.

“Well, no, not exactly. I hadn’t planned on it getting that far.” Cas chuckled. 

“You son of a bitch.” Dean said under his breath, but there was no real heat behind the words. 

“I really wanted to see you, you know.” Cas admitted. Dean looked up to meet his eyes. Cas had always been acting differently when it was only the two of them. It was like he put his act away and became this good and friendly guy that seemed more real. Dean never figured out why Cas acted so differently when they were out in public. Maybe it was about his image, he wasn’t sure. 

“Why did you?” Dean asked. 

“It’s been years, Dean. I wanted to know how you’ve been doing.” Cas pulled one of his legs up on the couch. 

“Sure, yeah, I’ve been doing fine.” Dean said hurriedly. 

“Yeah?” Cas tilted his head and watched him critically. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Dean asked defensively. 

Cas sighed and his eyes softened a little. “You’re still angry with me, aren’t you?” 

Dean got up from the couch and picked up the empty plates before he headed into the kitchen. He was not getting tricked into talking about that shit. He put the plates into the washer with a bit more force than necessary, but who could blame him. 

“Dean, don’t do this.” Cas followed him and was leaning against the counter with his arms folded in front of his chest looking a little troubled. Well, he should be, Dean thought. 

“Why? Why shouldn’t I do this? Because you so dearly want to talk? I can’t do that!” Dean insisted with his hands gesturing wide. 

“Yes, I want to talk, because we’re clearly unable to put it behind us, otherwise.”Cas stared pointedly at Dean. 

Dean rubbed his neck with one hand and stared at Cas. Man, those blue eyes how he missed them sometimes. But then there was times like this where he wished they weren’t looking at him like that. 

“I can’t.” Dean resigned. “What you did… it changed everything.”

Cas bit his lip and swallowed. “Dean… just let me-“

“My dad barely looked at me after. If it wasn’t for Bobby he wouldn’t even have given me a job at the station.” Dean told him. 

“That’s not your fault.”

“No, it’s because of you.”

“You know it’s not, Dean. The problem was your father’s.” 

“You made him look at me like that. You never even blinked as you left me here dealing with the mess! Half of our friends wouldn’t talk to me and my family turned all weird since my father wouldn’t be in the same room and my mother didn’t know how to fix it.”

“If that’s so, Dean, then they didn’t deserve you!” Cas yelled.

Dean stopped where he stood in the middle of his kitchen staring at Cas like an angry bull. He was tired of having to deal with this all over again. The arguing and the blaming, because it was so stupid neither of them even knew what it was to begin with.

“And you think you did? You’re the one leaving me here alone in the aftermath.”

“Then why didn’t you come with me?” Cas whispered and his voice was so sad Dean almost reached out to him. 

“Because, Cas. Just because.” Dean looked away from him and heard his sigh. 

“Dean… I’m… I’m sorry for what I did. At the time I didn’t think it through, and for that I’m sorry.” Cas met his eyes and Dean nodded slowly. Unable to talk, uncertain of what he wanted to say or do about it. 

Cas grabbed his jacket and whispered good night before he walked out of there. The door closed quietly behind him and Dean’s heart started beating, suddenly afraid what it all meant. If it was Cas’ last good bye to him. 

Dean still wasn’t able to run after him.


	3. Roses

Dean had enough time to freak out about the fact that he hadn’t run after Cas. He wasn’t sure why he was so certain things were at an end, but there had been something in Cas’ face that made him feel like it was final. Dean wasn’t sure why it didn’t really make sense, because Cas was never one to give up. He had told him he had come there to see Dean, but now he left. Again. A part of Dean was mad about that, because Cas couldn’t just come and go in his life like he pleased. Dean was going to make sure of that.

Three days after Cas had been to his apartment Dean heard he had gone back to his own city. He had work to do obviously and had to leave. Dean didn’t comment on it and told himself he should just go back to the way things was when he stopped listening if anyone ever talked about Cas.

Dean had practice with that. After Cas left the first time things had been in an uproar, but once it settled his mother started asking where he was and why he didn’t come around anymore. Mary was used to Cas being there, he was practically a part of their family just as much as they were. When he all of a sudden was gone she missed him. She told as much to Dean, but eventually she noticed how he reacted to her questions hand instead she started looking at him with an understanding look, which actually was even worse.

About a week after Cas left Dean got a message. He was coming home from work and found flowers on his doorstep.

In his life he’d never gotten flowers from anyone. With a frown he got inside and opened them. It was a bouquet of roses and Dean felt heat rise in his cheek. Glad no one was around to see him. He placed them in a tall glass because he didn’t have any vases and put them on his living room table.

For a long moment he just sat there staring at them. Surprised and shy. There was a card tucked in between the roses and he opened it carefully to read what it said: **_Dean. I’m sorry the insecurities from when I was young got the best of our friendship. Take these roses as an apology or as me telling you I still care for what we once were. Cas._**

Dean read the card over and over. He carried it with him so he could read it again while he ate his dinner, and then in bed. He was acting like a love sick girl, but he couldn’t help it. First of all this was flowers, from Cas. Then there was this card. Cas still cared, which Dean knew somewhere deep down, because he cared too. What he didn’t understand was the bit about Cas’ insecurities. As far as Dean was concerned, he was the insecure on between them, not Cas.

Cas was the one with the big words and the one to stand up against the ones he thought did him wrong. On the other hand he had never been like that with Dean. The times when they had been alone Cas was much more soft spoken and relaxed, like he didn’t have to prove anything, so maybe that was why.

 

The last semester of high school and during the summer after was the happiest months of Dean’s life. That was when things between him and Cas heated up. It was after their awkward phase with their first kiss and the way they acted because of it.

Both of them grew pretty protective after that kiss. So whenever one of them got together with a girl after that, or boys in Cas’ case the other one acted like an idiot towards them. Their dates never lasted longer than a few weeks and then they were back with their friend, but they wouldn’t admit that it meant anything. Sometimes they had a fight about it, if Dean met someone he actually liked, but then Cas was there subtly sabotaging the whole thing. Their arguments never lasted long though, because they couldn’t stay away from each other.

Those months where he and Cas got closer despite how both of them changed. Cas turned into this carefree sexy guy with bracelets, tight jeans and crazy hair while Dean really focused on his dream for the future which made Cas call him a nerd. When they could they were always together and as the year progressed and they found themselves hunching on the couch watching TV sometimes their lips found each other’s as well. It didn’t happen much at first, but eventually they could spend an entire night lying in bed making out and of course it escalated after that.

Of course they started having actual sex after a few weeks but neither one of them told their friends. It wasn’t hard to keep it a secret because they had always been close. They were together all the time, but in public they didn’t show any affections and acted just like they had before.

Not all of their friends were fooled though. Sam figured it out after walking in on them when they thought they had the house to themselves. Until this day he still claimed he had nightmares about it, but Dean knew he only said that to tease him. Gabriel also found out, much because he was nosy and knew his brother. They didn’t tell anyone and Cas and Dean didn’t talk about why they didn’t talk about it. At least not at first.

As the summer progressed they both got into college and they had been applying to different schools. After all Dean was going to become a police officer like his father and Cas had totally different dreams. He wanted to paint, live from art and be creative. They had talked about that a lot, of how things would change when they started in the fall but they wasn’t ready to face the facts. They were going to spend a lot of time far apart and had no idea how to deal with it.

Eventually Cas announced he thought they should tell their family and friends because it would be easier that way.

“Besides, why do we even keep hiding like this?” Cas had asked.

Dean knew that it wasn’t going to be easy. Cas was already out to his entire family and nobody really cared whether he brought home a girl or a boy. The few that commented on it would get a piece of Cas’ mind because he didn’t care if they liked it or not.

For Dean it was different. His family and especially his father had certain expectations to what his oldest should be like. Learning that he enjoyed having a dick up his ass would definitely not be on that list.

Truth be told as the summer went on and the pressure built Cas and Dean argued more and more. Dean wasn’t ready for anyone to know. It didn’t matter that Cas insisted it wasn’t anybody else’s business but theirs or that Sam promised it would be as bad as Dean feared.

And as the summer came to an end so did everything else and Dean really hadn’t wanted to meet with Cas again. By the end they were fighting too much and everything was changing. Dean panicked and wanted to get away from it all so he started looking forward to the day he would move into his dorm.

Neither of them wanted the fights to go on like they did and tried to fix it. Leaving for college with that much unresolved with the one person who had been their closest practically since birth seemed really bad.

So they had grabbed some food, packed a bag and drove to this little place just outside of town. They sat there with their feet curled under them, eating their food, listening to the music seeping from the car and they eventually undressed right there under the open sky.

They didn’t talk about it since they were supposed to be big guys with no chick flick moments, but that time behind the car was the first and only time they actually made love. Everything was soft and sweet, they kissed and touched like they wanted to savior the moment and Dean still remembered how good it had all been.

Reality hit once they got home. John was outside working on his own car, the pride of his life apart from his sons, a black Chevy Impala. He looked up as they got out of the car and peered at them for a long moment.

“What have you two been up to?” He asked.

Dean shrugged, ready to brush it off but John kept staring until both of them stopped.

“You look like you’ve been up to something. Sure there’s nothing I need to know about.”

Dean was really sure his father didn’t need to know anything about what they’ve been up to. Not one thing. Cas, though had a different idea.

“We’ve been on a date, sir.” He announced and Dean whirled around staring shocked at him. Cas was stoic as ever. Maybe with his jaw a little tighter than usual.

“Yeah? Both of you?” John chuckled.

“Yes.” Cas told him and Dean could feel him take a breath to continue.

“Come on, we’ve just been out, nothing new. I’m sure you don’t want to know so much about it. Right, dad?” Dean said hurriedly. That was his mistake. He should know by now that if he tried this desperately to hide something from his father, the first rule would be to be smooth about it. No rambling like this. It would give it all away.

“Oh, really? So nothing at all gives you a reason to act so strange. Did something go wrong?” John laughed, always ready to have a little fun with his son. Dean swallowed.

“No not at all.” Cas said looking directly at John.

Dean knew that John liked Cas. They all did, because he had always been around. Ever since kindergarten he and Dean had been hanging close. Being in the other’s house just as much as home was a part of that, so yeah, John was familiar with Cas and he liked his quiet sense of humor.

“Is that so? How come you’re not still out there with your dates then?” John dried his hands on his already stained jeans and motioned around him as if to point out how it wasn’t that late yet.

“We are, sir. We were on a date with each other.” Cas told him and Dean wanted to die, or make Cas die.

Everything was quiet for an eternity. John stood still, staring from one to the other. Cas didn’t move and Dean sure as hell didn’t dare to even breathe. It was like the birds stopped singing and the neighbors noticing something was off and quieted down their chatter and laughter.

John let out a strange kind of bark that almost sounded like a laugh.

“Yeah, right. Cas, you’re a funny guy.” John tried for another laugh and Dean knew this was his chance to get past this, to cover it up and never speak of it again, but he was too late to catch on from his initial shock. His face was too serious and so was Cas’ and John realized they weren’t messing around.

“Dean? You’re going to clear this up for me or?” John asked looking at his son for help.

Dean couldn’t do it. He was frozen and terrified. Eventually John made them come inside and they were told to sit down by the table inside the kitchen and John started walking back and forth. He didn’t say much until Mary appeared in the room. Then he practically yelled at her with desperation in his voice what Cas had told him.

Mary didn’t seem that upset, it was like something finally clicked into place and she looked over at the two young men sitting by the table. Dean refused to look at Cas. They had talked about this and this was definitely not what they agreed on. Dean knew they hadn’t really agreed on anything, but he never thought that Cas would out him to his family like this.

Mary was a master at calming John and after he spat something at them about getting over this crazy idea or behavior she got him to walk out of there. The silence in the kitchen was deafening until Dean snapped and threw around hurtful words and a few things that broke against the walls. Mary told him to calm down and Cas looked so quiet and sad as never before.

“Why did you do it, Cas?” Dean eventually leaned over the table to ask. His heart was still racing, but he had gotten control of his rage enough to actually speak.

“Because, Dean. I wanted them to know!”

“NO! This is not how we were supposed to do it.”

“Why? Why are you so afraid?”

“I’m not afraid, I just know what’s expected of me.” Dean told him.

“Screw that! Don’t you care what I would want?” Cas got up from his chair.

It wasn’t long after that they parted and Dean thought they could sleep on it for a couple of days and then things would be fixed.

Two days later Gabriel told him that Cas had packed his things and headed for college two weeks early and Dean knew he was to blame even if he was clear on the fact that Cas was the one that had wronged him.

Dean felt like ghost for the next few years. Mary didn’t change anything, she treated him just like before, but John was barely able to be in the same room as him for long. If he spoke to him his voice was hard and his posture told Dean he should just get the hell out of there. Mary would ask about Cas from time to time and Dean felt this pain in his chest while he heard John growl at the sound of his name so eventually she stopped asking.

 

Dean had no idea what he should do about the roses and the card. He missed Cas. Missed his best friend. Dean’s closest friend now was Benny. They had met in college and when Dean moved back home Benny asked if he could come too. His family was a mess and he didn’t really have anywhere to go and so he moved along with Dean. John had been careful about Benny, keeping close eyes on the way he acted around Dean and it took some time until he realized he wasn’t that close to his son, or he was close, but not in the way John feared.

Benny was a good friend, and he always had been. Still, they didn’t have the same thing as he and Cas, and Dean understood now that maybe it had something to do with the extra element of his and Cas’ relationship. The fact that they were attracted to each other as well as friends.

He and Cas might have been boyfriends once, but back then it didn’t mean they admitted they were in love. Most of the time they joked about being friends with benefits. They wasn’t sappy boyfriends. They hung out like they always had and then they started having sex. No heartfelt moments where they confessed their feelings, and mostly they just rubbed one off against or with the other. Whenever they did more it was sweaty and a fast fuck. The only time they actually made love was the one time everything went to hell after.

Thinking about it now made Dean wonder if maybe they weren’t as much boyfriends as fuck buddies. Maybe they had mistaken their sexual attraction with feelings?

All of these unanswered questions combined with the flowers in Dean’s living room made him want to know even more. Know about what his relationship with Cas really meant and if he had been wrong all these years.

Dean learned eventually that being attracted to guys wasn’t wrong. His father made him think so, but in college he met a few guys he liked and even if he never told his family about that he still got the opportunity to discover things about himself, like the fact that he was attracted to both guys and girls, and that it was okay.

 

Despite all of Dean’s effort to not know anything about Cas he hadn’t missed much. He knew what he did, that his painting was still his strongest card, where he lived, or at least in what city. So instead of picking up the phone Dean gave in to his confused curiousness and took a few days off from work. Flying wasn’t really an option so he packed his car and headed out.

Getting there wasn’t the hard part. Finding Cas was worse. First of all he didn’t know exactly where he was. He had found his gallery and thought it was safe to bet he would be there sometime during the day. Then it hit him that Cas might not be alone. And that was maybe the worst part.

It was almost closing time when Dean found the right gallery and he couldn’t seem to find the courage to go inside. He stood on the outside looking through the window. Cas was there, talking to some customers probably and he was gorgeous as always. Dean watched the pictures on the wall and recognized the work. He hadn’t been into art all his life, but he had been into Cas for all his life and that was enough to see it was all his work.

It was beautiful abstract paintings that Dean felt like he knew. They were probably new, but the style was Cas’ and he knew right away. He could tell by the choice of colors and the way the brush had been stroked over the canvas. He didn’t know how it was possible, but he knew this, he knew this was the way Cas’ soul looked like.

Dean almost felt like shaking off the melancholy and his sappy thoughts, but he couldn’t help it. They were there, and he realized he wanted them there.

He didn’t know how long he had been standing there staring through the window when he noticed Cas was staring at him from the inside. His eyes were wide and shining and when he lifted one hand for an awkward wave his bracelets shifted a little on his arm.

Dean smiled a little sheepishly and felt his stomach flutter at the grin he got back.


	4. Love that once were

Dean walked inside and waited until Cas was finished talking to his customers. He took his time watching his paintings and realized they were even better than he originally thought from the outside. This was something Cas was really good at. Not that Dean was really surprised. He had known ever since they were young. 

“Dean. What are you doing here?” Cas asked. 

“I got your flowers.” 

“So you traveled all the way here to say thanks for some flowers? Should have known that years ago.” Cas muttered, but his eyes crinkled a little at the sides in a smile. 

“Well… I’m…” Dean sighed not sure how to continue that sentence. 

Cas said they should go out and grab something to eat when he closed the place so Dean just sat down in the room while Cas did what he had to do to close. The place was quiet but not too quiet. He heard people talking in the background, but it was muffled, so he could easily concentrate on the impressions around him. 

Cas brought them to a restaurant nearby that was dark and obviously frequented by Cas and the likes of the artists. The waiters seemed to know Cas and they were seated by his regular table while the waiter spent the entire time gazing curiously at Dean. He sat down and nodded awkwardly to the guy as he was handed a menu. Cas didn’t even get one and they exchanged a few words about a wine before he left them alone. 

Cas chuckled. 

“Are you willing to bet on what they are talking about in the kitchen?” He asked. 

Dean rolled his eyes but smiled a little. “You’re a celebrity here then?”

“Something like that. Adam over there clearly thought you looked nice.” Cas hinted.

“Oh, well, I thought maybe he was into you.”

Cas laughed at him looking happy and carefree. Dean always found him irresistible when he was laughing as his eyes almost disappeared and his nose crinkled adorably. Yeah, he had definitely missed his old friend. 

“Dean, I don’t know why you’re here, but I want you to know I’m glad you are.” Cas said after they had gotten their food. 

Dean nodded slowly. “I felt bad about that fight. It’s been a long time and I shouldn’t be mad about it.”

Cas chewed on his lip. 

“Probably, but I realize you got angry with good reason. It wasn’t my place to tell them about us.” Cas told him quietly. 

“I just… it was difficult for me to understand since my family always was really understanding.”

“Yeah, I know. You’re one lucky bastard.”

They ate quietly for a while tried talking about other stuff and Dean was glad to have the distraction. There was so much to be said, but he didn’t know how to do it without starting a fight. Or to get into something they shouldn’t be talking about in public. Cas seemed to have the same though.

Cas led them out into the street again after eating and headed towards his place. Dean looked around in the open and light room and took it all in. He had known Cas when they were younger, but had never been in a house or room where Cas lived as an adult. It was strange looking around at the place. It was lit up carefully with large lamps hanging from the ceiling. He had a few lights aiming directly at some of his paintings. 

Dean assumed he worked somewhere else since the place wasn’t filled with easels, paint and brushes. It was clean and comfortable with the dim lighting and soft furniture. Unlike at Dean’s place where it was pretty much only the couch he had been sitting in. This place seemed like everything was used equally. 

Cas handed Dean a bottle of beer and asked him to sit down. He picked a chair close enough to the TV, but also with a view of the room. Cas didn’t have a very great view out his windows, but Dean never expected him to because he wasn’t the kind of guy that spent a lot of time sitting still gazing outside. 

It had always amazed Dean how Cas was so casual and calm about everything. His parents were so rich it was crazy, but Cas never acted like he was. Growing up he had everything he wanted of course, but as he got older Cas found his way as himself and he wasn’t going to live off his parents. He was too stubborn for that. 

“Dean. Can I ask you something?”

Dean nodded and picked on the label of his beer. 

“When you said your family changed after… you know. Did you mean…?” Cas trailed off and looked almost pleadingly at Dean to continue and not leave him to say it out loud. 

“Yes, things changed, at least a little. Like I told you, my father wouldn’t accept it.” Dean looked down. 

“I’m really sorry.” Cas reached out, but seemed like he changed his mind and put his hand down. 

“Yeah, well it was a long time ago.” Dean tried. 

“I know, but you were still upset when you saw me at the station.”

“Because I was surprised. You showing up back home was one thing, but at the station in handcuffs. I definitely didn’t expect that.”

“Why were you so angry, Dean?”

Dean took a deep breath before he turned to meet Cas’ blue gaze. 

“Because you left!” Dean said a lot louder than he intended. Cas stared. 

“Ahh. You outed me to my family which I wasn’t real happy about but I could handle. But then you left and everything just got screwed to hell.” 

“I didn’t want to.” Cas said quietly. 

“Then why did you? Why couldn’t you just stay and help me deal with the consequences when you were the one making it happen?” Dean wanted to get up from his chair, but he forced himself to sit still. 

“I left for you, Dean. You were really angry with me that day.”

“Of course I was! You told my family! But we argued all the time without any of us having to leave.”

“Yeah, well this time I did.” Cas said. 

Dean knew he had been angry that day. When they were alone they had both been yelling at each other and it wasn’t nice, not at all. Dean just never wanted it to end like it did. He missed his friend more than anything. It felt like starting all over again all alone, and it was much harder than he thought it would be. 

“Well, I… missed you.”

“You never said anything about that.”

“Because you left, Cas. If you wanted to start over and got enough of my stupidity then who was I to force myself onto you?” Dean asked. 

“You think that was me being sick of you?” Cas asked in disbelief. 

“You were always really cool and ready to take on the world. Nothing like me whit the only ambition to get a job and move back into town.”

Cas shook his head and moved closer to Dean. 

“You got it all wrong, man.” Cas chuckled. 

Dean couldn’t see how he was wrong. Cas had wanted to travel, to see places and paint stuff. Dean liked his life like it was. Being in his safe town with his family and friend around. That was something they discussed a lot, and never really agreed. But back then neither of them needed to agree on that. They accepted the differences and still kept on being together. 

“I always admired how you could be so content back at home. That you didn’t feel the need to look around the world. And I might have left because of that fight, at first. Because I wasn’t so happy about it.”

“Well, who will ever be happy about a fight, man?” Dean huffed.

“What I mean is that my insecurities just got to me. Like I thought the reason you didn’t want your family to know was because of me. That maybe you weren’t as serious about it and didn’t want to involve your family.” Cas looked down when Dean stared at him in surprise. 

“God, we’re stupid.” Dean muttered and Cas slowly lifted his eyes to look at him. They started giggling at the same time and didn’t stop for a while. 

Some of the tension seemed to leave with their laugh and the rest of the night they got into safer topics.

 

Dean intended to stay for a few days and so Cas decided to show him around. Most of the time they were at his apartment, making food, talking about stuff from way back and tried to get to know each other again after all these years. 

It wasn’t until one night when they had been drinking that their issues came back up. 

“What do you think it was? You know, the thing between us.” Dean asked. He was sprawled out on the couch and Cas was sitting on the floor next to him. 

“What do you mean?” Cas let his head fall back to rest against Dean’s side.

“You know, when we were together. Was it a ‘friends with benefit’ kind of thing, or was it something more?” Dean put his empty glass on the table. 

“I don’t know. We were together so much we practically grew attached by the hip.” Cas said with a laugh. Dean shook his head a little. 

“It’s not a bad thing, Dean. We just… I don’t know. All of our friends kind of found it annoying.”

“I know.” Dean rolled his eyes, but if he was totally honest he could understand why they commented on them all the time, telling them to try and hang out with other’s too. At the time it never seemed necessary, but after Cas left Dean realized he didn’t really have many close friends. 

“But yeah, I don’t really know what we thought then, if we meant to keep going or if we just liked being together.” Cas said in a low voice. He yawned a little and stretched. Dean would have growled if he had the energy at how casual Cas was about the whole thing. Dean never achieved that level of coolness. 

“So you think we were just fooling around then?” Dean pushed. His head was mushy, not really spinning, but in the state where everything was fleeting and comfortable. 

“Why do you ask so much?”

“I want to know.” 

Cas turned his head so he could look at Dean. His cheek rested against Dean’s waist. 

“You know what I think?”

Dean shook his head slightly and met Cas’ eyes. His gaze was a little shiny from the alcohol, but from experience this was when they could actually talk together. Dean knew he was always clamped down because he was supposed to be strong and not talk about feelings. Besides, it was all kinds of wrong to pour out your heart just cause you felt like it. 

“I think we cared about each other. We might have been too young to know what it all meant, but I still think we did.”

“Cared, as in…?” Dean said barely daring to ask. 

“Love.” Cas said as a matter of fact and Dean swallowed. 

Cas chuckled and pulled himself up so he came closer to Dean. 

“You’re still so afraid to say these things out loud.” Cas smiled. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Dean insisted. 

“Fine, let’s try this then.” Cas sat up on his knees. He leaned forward to make sure Dean was watching him. 

“Tell me; have you been in love?”

“What the hell, man! I’m not telling you anything.”

“See what I mean? It’s no big deal. Have you or haven’t you been in love?” Cas tried again. One warm hand was resting on Dean’s chest. 

Dean looked demonstratively in a different direction and tried to look like he wasn’t thinking about the question. As far as he remembered he didn’t think he’d been in love. Not for real. In his mind love was like when you wanted to be with a person more than you wanted to be alone. If you were thinking about them in the middle of the day, or was reminded of them in the grocery store maybe. It was when you could just be around this person without feeling the need to fill the silence or the space with anything other than just being there. Dean had never truly felt like that except for with his brother which didn’t count since he was family, and Cas which didn’t count either because they had just been friends, right?

“No, I haven’t.” He admitted eventually and turned his head back to look at Cas. 

“How is that possible? Never ever felt a flutter in your stomach or the urge to kiss somebody.”

“Of course, you idiot. But that’s not love. That’s attraction or some shit like that.” Dean told him and pulled himself up on the couch. He needed the space. It wasn’t safe being too close to Cas in a state like he was in. Dean got a bottle thrust into his hands and by the course of this conversation he definitely needed it so he took a long pull from it and swallowed with a groan. At least now he had something to blame in the morning for his stupid utterances. 

“Isn’t that pretty much the same? I mean, if you’re in love you feel attracted to this person, and if you’re attracted to this person you could be in love.” Cas pondered. 

“I thought you were the free spirit, Cas. You can’t tell me that every person you’ve ever had sex with is someone you could be in love with too?” Dean asked with a huff. He was definitely ignoring the slight sting in his chest at the thought. 

“Well… No, I probably haven’t.” Cas looked down in his lap. “I mean, you have to feel something towards the person you have sex with, right?”

“Depends on what you mean with feelings.” Dean said. 

Cas rolled his eyes. “I bet you’re just cold and clinic about it, aren’t you?”

“What, no!” Dean said with feigned annoyance. 

“So tell me what it is you feel then.” Cas insisted and sat up to come closer to Dean. 

“You know, regular stuff like attraction, man.” Dean said. 

“Like what? Tell me about it or I swear I’ll think you’re just some idiot running around screwing without a thought for who they are.”

Dean laughed and gave Cas a push. 

“Come, on, you know I’m the perfect gentleman!” 

“Yeah, right.” Cas said with a snort. 

“So what about you then, since you’re so eager to know I bet you are dying to tell me about whoever you’ve been in love with.”

Dean watched Cas for a moment and told himself to stop being an idiot. They hadn’t seen each other in years. He didn’t have any kind of dibs on him. Except now that he was back into his life – sort of – he just didn’t feel like letting go. The problem was he had no idea how to get from this place where they tried to relearn stuff about each other, to the place where they were back to being each other’s friends. 

“There was this guy a while back but you know… didn’t work out so.” 

“So you, who insisted you could fall for anyone you had sex with, have only been in love once?” Dean narrowed his brows and looked at a slight blush in Cas’ cheeks. 

“I guess.”

“So what happened?” Dean asked after a moment of tense silence. Cas shifted awkwardly and didn’t meet Dean’s eyes. 

“Just the usual, stupid fights and misunderstandings.” He muttered. 

Dean stared at him for a moment and noticed the sad look in his eyes and felt instantly that he needed to brush that look from his face. 

“Yeah? What did he do to you?” Dean sat up like he was ready for anything. Cas smiled a little. 

“Oh, Dean. He hurt me, but I hurt him too, so it’s not like I can blame it all on him.” Cas said and grabbed the bottle. Dean nodded like he understood even though he wasn’t sure he really did. He hadn’t really been in any long-term relationships and couldn’t say he knew much about what it felt like. 

Cas sat up on his knees and turned towards Dean. 

“Here, have some of this.” He gave him the bottle. 

“Fine. You gonna tell me some more about this crush of yours?” Dean teased and Cas rolled his eyes. 

“Why do you want to know anyway? Your heart must be set in stone if you’ve never been in love, so you can’t be that interested, or what?” Cas said and Dean gave his shoulder a push. 

“Or maybe I just can’t seem to settle for this one person yet.” Dean huffed and Cas gave him a slight smile. 

“Whatever. I don’t really know if it was love, but we were together for a while and I liked him. Like as a friend as much as a… you know… boyfriend.” Cas shrugged his shoulders. Dean gritted his teeth to fight back the feeling he got from Cas’ words. 

“So what went wrong?” Dean felt his head spin but he still took another long pull from the bottle and growled. Cas reached for it and took it away from him. 

“Like I said, misunderstandings. There was some things we didn’t agree on so eventually we had to move on.”

Dean bit the inside of his cheek and stared at Cas. 

“You know what, he couldn’t have been that great if he let you go because of some disagreement.” Dean eventually said. 

“You think so?” Cas looked up at him with an amused smile. 

“Of course I do. I know I’m not the world’s greatest at talking shit out, but I still think it should be a priority when it comes to… I don’t know… someone that means a lot to you.”

“Look who grew up.” Cas commented and looked at him with his intense blue eyes. There was a sudden change in the air, from the light talk to a more heavy and serious one. Dean watched him and his heart sped up a little as Cas’ stare didn’t change.

“Why didn’t you think like that before?” Cas whispered and broke eye contact for a moment. Dean shook his head and looked down with a sigh. 

“We were young, and I was stupid.” Dean rubbed his eyes at the seriousness that had crept into their conversation. Something was looming over them and Dean wasn't sure whether it would turn out to be a fight or something else entirely. What he knew for certain was that Cas was looking unusually vulnerable as he was watching Dean from his position on the floor.


	5. Answers comes after a good fuck

Cas looked down and even with the booze running around in Dean’s blood he felt he was sobering up at the sad look on his face. Cas never really was in this state. Serious and quiet. At least not the Cas he used to know. Dean realized more and more that he had missed so much by being apart from his friend all of these years. He had missed him growing from a young boy to an adult. There was so much he wanted to know and he didn’t know how to begin, because the man sitting in front of him was not like the boy he once spent all of his time with.

“I know we were young, but we still should have talked, Dean.” Cas said quietly.

“I wanted to, but you left. I was there, ready to come over to you. Talk. So we could figure out the situation, because I wasn’t ready to lose you over it.” Dean told him.

“Well, I had to leave.” Cas insisted.

“You had to? Because school started, or what? We were friends Cas. Really close friends, and you just turned your back on it all!”

“I couldn’t stay there and watch you grow colder because you couldn’t admit to your father that you wanted to go out with guys.”

“I told him, Cas. After you made it all clear I told my entire family! Don’t you give me that excuse.” Dean shook his head.

“I didn’t know that. You were so angry with me and I knew I had to make a choice because I loved you, Dean. I was in love with you and so afraid you would turn me down after I got so insecure about your feelings for me I had to out you to your father.” Cas said with his chest heaving as he breathed fast with a blushing face.

“You were… in love… with me?” Dean repeated stupidly and stared in surprise at Cas. He was sitting on his knees looking a bit nervous and submissive in a way that was totally unlike him. Dean sat up and ended with one leg on each side of Cas body so he was practically spreading his thigs around him.

“Cas… tell me.”

“Of course I was, Dean. How could I not be? You were this cool guy with a plan for the future, so shy about your feelings but I got to see all that.”

“Whoa! I can’t…. I don’t… know what to say. So I’m the idiot that you were in love with once?” Dean asked and rested a hand on Cas’ shoulder. Cas nodded and gave him a wary smile.

“Man, I’m really sorry.”

“No, like I said I probably hurt you too. It’s not like only one of us is to blame for this.” Cas said.

“I know. I just… Why the hell did you leave me for years if you-“Dean pushed his fingers against the side of his head and closed his eyes.

He opened them in shock when he felt soft warm lips pushing light against his own. It was over just a moment later and they sat staring at each other. Cas with his hands resting on Dean’s thigs and they were both breathing fast.

“I was scared, Dean, and hurt. I’m sorry that I handled it so badly.” He said and Dean could only nod and his eyes were staring at those lips that felt so familiar to his own. Like an old dream returning.

“I wanted to come back, but I… I don’t know, was afraid you would turn me down.”

Dean placed one hand on each side of Cas’ face.

“God, I wanted to punch you for just taking off like that. Without a word of anything! But I wouldn’t turn you down.” Dean said. “Not ever, Cas. Nobody’s ever meant so much to me as you have and how stupid it sounds, everyone I met was compared to you and nobody made the cut.” Dean shook his head.

A smile tugged at the corner of Cas’ mouth and Dean leaned forward to kiss him again. Soft and sweet.

Dean was pushed back on the pillows and suddenly Cas was all over him. His hands touched him everywhere and his lips got to every bit of exposed skin he could find. Cas took his time exploring his body and nothing was said between them apart from the occasional grunt or moan mixed in with heavy breathing.

Back when they were younger they had sex, sure, but they rarely took the time to actually appreciate their bodies. Somehow Dean always felt insecure about it, like if he let himself enjoy Cas like he could with a girl, then the whole deal about being with a guy would become even more real. It was stupid of course, Dean knew that now. But instead they would fuck each other senseless, hard and fast until they came all over and was almost out of breath. The one time they did enjoy each other, bordering on making love – Dean still wouldn’t think of it like that – was the day everything had gone to hell.

Both of them had grown up and they were sure of themselves. Dean eventually forgave his father for being ignorant and hard on him because of his sexuality. All through college Dean was scared of what his father might say, but it didn’t stop him from meeting guys. Back home he had a pretty decent record of girls he’d gone out with or that he had fucked. And there was a few guys mixed in the bunch, not that his father knew much about that.

Alone here with Cas everything seemed different. It wasn’t like the ones Dean had been with for only one night. Not even like the few times he had gone out with the same person for about a month. Cas’ hands were all over him and he had started to undress him and Dean really enjoyed the feeling of practically being devoured by him.

The last tinge of doubt lost its power and Dean gave himself over to Cas.

“There you go.” Cas muttered against his neck as he wrapped a hand around his hard cock.

Cas continued to stroke him slowly as his tongue worked down his chest, found his nipple and licked and nibbled it until Dean was begging him for… something, more, everything. Cas kissed and nibbled his way down his belly and at last his soft velvety tongue stroked over his aching cock.

Dean’s back arched off the couch the moment Cas put his lips on him and Cas let a hand run over his chest as to calm him down. Dean was panting embarrassingly loud, but couldn’t seem to stop. His hands were in Cas’ soft hair, his shoulders and scrambled to pull his clothes off. Cas complied and pulled off his shirt and Dean let out a groan as he finally got his hands on some naked skin.

It wasn’t long until Dean fell back on the pillows again as Cas’ talented tongue and fingers made it impossible to do much else. Cas worked his way down his cock and started a slow rhythm up and down.

“Oh, yeah, Cas… Fuck this is good.” Dean panted. Cas hummed around him and that sent a thrill through Dean’s body.

After a while where Dean got increasingly closer to the edge he breathed fast and spat out filthy words on how good it felt. Eventually he grabbed Cas’ shoulders.

“Cas come on. Get up here.” He said and Cas gave him a confused look, but Dean was strong and pulled him closer. Cas was onboard with it as he was pulled up and pushed his hips against Dean’s groin. Cas was snuggled between his legs and Dean leaned forward so he could kiss him like he wanted to.

Dean thrust his fingers into his hair and Cas leaned closer with something resembling a whimper that went straight to Dean’s dick. It was so good having him in his arms and it seemed like Cas thought the same and the kisses soon turned desperate and uncoordinated. Dean tugged at the hem of Cas’ jeans and Cas opened the button and practically ripped them off and just a moment later he was sitting in Dean’s lap. They weren’t really kissing each other anymore, just breathing heavy into each other’s mouths.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this.” Cas groaned and Dean kissed him hard again. Like he needed it to survive and Cas was holding onto him with his arms around his neck.

“Dean… Bedroom-“ He gasped and Dean got up on his feet. They stumbled into the bedroom where Cas immediately pushed Dean onto it and straddled his hips.

“I need – fuck I… ah, yeah!” Cas was almost out of it but he scrambled for the drawer on his bedside table and came up with lube and a condom.

Cas’ eyes were wild, his hair absolutely out of control and his hands were shaking when he opened the bottle of lube. Dean stared up at him and couldn’t remember seeing him like this. He couldn’t even think he’d seen anyone like this, ever and wasn’t sure whether it scared him or turned him on.

Cas reached behind himself with one of his shaking hands and his head fell back as he started to rub his hole. Dean groaned at the sight, at this desperate side of Cas he’d never seen before. He couldn’t even let Dean open him up because he needed this to happen – now. And Dean knew he was going too fast. That he must be hurting himself, but he was on the brink of desperation himself. He needed this so bad and he knew he needed to feel the pleasure bordering on pain.

Way too soon Cas leaned forward and kissed Dean before he sat up on his knees. He grabbed Dean’s cock to hold it ready for him to slide down on. Dean pulled back a little, holding Cas so he wouldn’t do it.

“Cas, stop. This… stop, man.” Dean begged but Cas shook his head, his eyes shining blue and Dean knew that feeling. He knew this was right, that this was something they both so desperately needed. They had been apart for so long, and neither of them had reached out to the other. Now that they were together they needed this, to feel that things could be okay, that they were actually back together again.

“Dean, please… I need. Uh-h I need you. I _fucking need_ you.” He whispered.

“I know… shh, I know, Cas. But I can’t hurt you.” Dean said softly. Cas stared at him with pleading eyes.

“Please, I need it. Dean, fuck, just do it!” He gasped and lowered himself so Dean was pressing against his hole.

“Cas, let me just – offh, holy _fuck_!” Dean hissed as Cas pushed down even more and the tip was barely squeezing inside the tight rim. It was almost painful and Dean could only imagine how it would feel for Cas.

It was a strange thing, feeling the tightness and only wanting to thrust inside, but also knowing the hurt Cas had to feel. It was hard to focus because Dean wanted this, he really did, but he also didn’t know how to handle the way Cas eyes closed hard in pain.

“God, Cas. You gotta stop.”

“Can’t. Won’t.” Cas gasped and let out a strangled sound as the head of Dean’s cock slipped inside.

Looking up that Cas’ sweaty chest heaving up and down was hot as fuck, and Dean curled his fist into the sheets. Cas stopped there for a moment, his breathing shallow and Dean gained control of the urge to flip them around and push in all the way. His hands stroked Cas over his back as if to tell him it was okay. Cas still hadn’t opened his eyes and his hands were braced on Dean’s chest. Dean could feel him trying to relax his tight grip in his ass and eventually the pressure around the head eased a little.

“Cas…” Dean tried when he started lowering himself again slowly. It was easier from there, the head was always the worst, but Dean knew that Cas still needed to be in pain and it was hard to deal with. Dean was a considerate lover and watching his partner so obviously in pain was really not one of his kinks.

Cas pursed his lips together tight and kept pushing with his eyes closed. When he was almost fully seated his stopped and his breathing slowed a little. His hips made a little twitch and Dean knew he must have hit that spot inside. The pain would be fading a little and so Dean decided he would lie back and let Cas control the show for now.

In their first times together Cas was the strong one, the one knowing what to do and how to do it. Dean had been the one on the bottom but they eventually switched it up and he was pleased to learn that Cas enjoyed it every bit as much as he did.

It was never like this though, and Dean knew it all came back to the fact that there was so much unsaid things between them. So much that needed to be said, but since both of them were so crappy at talking this was one way to try and deal with stuff.

Cas started pulling back up and Dean let out a long moan, and again when he sat down. Cas opened his eyes and Dean noticed the way he had gotten careful control of the emotions he didn’t want Dean to see. It took a while to get into a rhythm, he was probably still so sore he had to work around that before he found the strength to keep up the pace. A little smirk returned to his face and Dean grinned up at him with an experimental thrust.

Cas’ head fell back and his Adam’s apple bobbed. Dean loved the sight of Cas when he gave himself over to the pleasure and they both got into a decent pace together. Dean had his hands on Cas’ hips and felt the way his strong thighs worked up and down over him. On the occasional thrust Cas would let out a whimper that told Dean he was hitting the exact right spot and that just spurred them on into an even more urgent rhythm.

Eventually Dean slowed down a little and Cas looked a little confused at him. Instead of saying anything he pulled Cas close to him and rolled them around. Everything changed immediately, Cas spread his legs and looked expectantly up at Dean.

He started a slower rhythm than before and Cas pressed his head against the pillows as he let out a long strangled moan. Cas’ hands came up to rest on Dean’s shoulders and when Dean met his eyes they were raw with emotions he hadn’t been able to hide and so Dean leaned down to kiss him. A soft and close kiss with wet tongues and moving hands.

When Dean pulled back Cas stared at him with his eyes wide open and a sob forced its way from his throat. A single tear rolled from one of Cas’ eyes and made a wet trail down into his hair.

“Oh, fuck, Cas.” Dean braced his elbows on each side of his face to come closer. He stopped moving inside of Cas and were lying still for a long moment. Carefully Cas’ arms wrapped around his neck and another quiet sob slipped out.

“Cas, come here. You’re good. I’ve got you.” Dean murmured into his neck and nuzzled him over his cheek to his eyes where he got hold of another tear.

For a while they held each other, Cas wasn’t letting go, and he wasn’t really crying, but he was still much more vulnerable than Dean had ever seen him.

“You need me to stop?” Dean whispered into his ear but Cas shook his head.

“No way. You gotta let me come, man. I’ve just missed you so bad. Your stupid fucking face, Dean.” Cas said with something between a chuckle and a sob and Dean bent down to kiss his lips.

“I’ve missed you to, you idiot.” Dean muttered and felt Cas’ lips break into a smile against his own.

“Then let’s fuck it out. We need to stop being like this.” Cas huffed. He moved his hips suggestively and Dean gasped. His dick was still hard and now that the pain in Cas’ eyes had subsided all he could focus on again was the way his dick was pressed in the tight heat inside of Cas.

“Alright, I can fuck it out.” Dean agreed and thrust into him a little harder this time and Cas moaned.

“God, yes.” He rasped.

Dean braced himself up on his hands to gain better control of his motions and when Cas gave a little not he really started moving inside of him until they were both gasping and cursing about how they needed to come.

This was much closer to what they used to do, yet so far away. Because this time it was more than horny teenagers helping each other getting off. This time both of them gave something true of themselves. Before there had been feelings involved, but neither dared to show that to the other. Now they were truly naked.

Cas clung hard onto Dean’s shoulders and gasped how he was about to come and Dean could feel how he was starting to pulse and tighten around him and groaned loud. Cas screamed out as he came in wet sprouts over their stomachs. The way he clamped tight almost painful around Dean had him gasping for air.

“Fuck, Cas! Oh ah, fuck fuck fuuuck.” He moaned out and dug his head against Cas’ neck as his body twitched again and again as he came.

Dean couldn’t help the way his lips nuzzled soft kissed all over Cas’ neck and collarbones, up his jaw and back down to his neck. Cas hummed content in response and kept stroking his hands over Dean’s back.

Cas winched a little as Dean pulled out of him and Dean looked down at him.

“How are you feeling?”

“My ass feels like hell.” He grunted, grumpy as ever. Dean chuckled.

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah, think maybe I was a little too eager.”

Dean smiled as he flopped over on his back. Cas rolled over to rest against Dean’s chest. He let one finger make a trail from freckle to freckle on his chest toward his shoulder and then back again a different route. That was something he had done millions of times before and Dean hadn’t let anyone else do that to him. Whenever someone tried he always rolled over of he got out of bed under the excuse of having to clean up. Dean never gave it much thought other than he always got reminded of sweet moments with Cas whenever someone touched his freckles and somehow he felt it belonged to them.

“At least you’ll get to feel it for the next round.” Cas chuckled. Dean raised one brow and looked doubtfully at him and Cas suddenly looked insecure.

“You are gonna stay a while longer, right?” He asked and his eyes were wide with emotion. Dean bent forward and kissed the top of Cas’ head.

“Yes, I’d really want that.” Dean said.

“Good.” Cas sighed. “Now, are you up for a shower before some food?”

As they walked into the bathroom and took a shower they were kind of quiet. Dean knew they would need to sort out a few things but it still was a good place to start, for them at least. They always seemed to come far after a good fuck and some food. Dean only hoped they would be able to speak clear enough now so they would figure out what they wanted from the future.


	6. Epilogue

Sometimes life change in the most unexpected ways. Even if Cas and Dean had missed years of growing up, they easily fell into old habits again. They spent most nights inside with some food and beer where they talked to catch up on everything that had happened since last. Both were tired every night since they both felt they had just as much to catch up on in the bed as in other aspects of their lives. 

Somehow Dean had accepted in the years prior that Cas was a part of a bittersweet memory, but now that they were back together he barely dared to think about anything but right now. He was afraid to think what might happen when real life would knock on the door. They lived in different cities now, had their own jobs and responsibilities. It wasn’t anything easy anymore. 

Cas seemed to be on the same page, like he didn’t want to put too much thought into their future, only concentrating on what was right in front of him. 

Dean couldn’t stay forever though. Eventually he had to go back to his home and to his job and even if they both dreaded it neither really dared to say something. 

Back at his home Dean threw himself into as much work as possible. He was at the station from early in the morning until Bobby practically ushered him away in the nights. It was just that, when he was alone at home he started thinking. Thinking and waiting. Everything seemed different now that he was friends with Cas again, because truth be told he realized that just being friends with him wasn’t enough. 

He lasted all of two weeks of casual texting back and forth before he called up a florist and told them to bring a flower to Cas. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to accomplish but it seemed like the right thing to do. 

Cas liked the flowers and didn’t comment much else about them, but the tone between them changed a little bit. It got warmer and a bit more frequent. 

For a while they just kept doing that. Keeping the contact over the phone, once in a while they would call the other one up after a night out and sometimes they ended up jerking off at the sound of each other’s heavy breathing and dirty talk. Flowers and other gifts were sent back and forth and instead of texts they had long phone calls. 

Every chance they got they met with each other. Dean traveled to Cas when he had the weekend off and Cas came to Dean if he had a slow week at work. Neither of them where talking about it still and even if everybody around them asked why they didn’t make it official they just didn’t.

Because Dean was afraid of what might happen to their relationship if they started seeing each other like a real couple. Benny just shook his head saying they were ‘real stupid since it was all kinds of obvious how they cared about each other.’ Mary started talking if they were going to move in together anytime soon and Sam wondered why the hell they didn’t just get married already. 

All of the talk around them didn’t seem to get to any of them. They continued what they already had and seemed content with it. 

Dean spent all of his four weeks of summer vacation with Cas. They didn’t travel far or make any plans, they just lived from day to day. Visited small stores, drove for a day or two and slept in quiet hotels before they headed back for a few days. They could settle in Cas’ apartment for a few days before they maybe headed off for another couple of days on the road. 

It didn’t come up until one night when they were sprawled on Cas’ bed, sweaty and seated. Dean was sipping a beer he picked up when he got out of bed to clean them up, and Cas had picked his sketchbook and a pencil out. 

“Hey, Cas?”

“Hmm?” Cas turned to look at Dean. 

“What do you… um… What do you think about this thing between us?” Dean asked. 

Cas looked a little surprised for a moment and he took his glasses off his nose. 

“I think of it as a long distance relationship.” He said matter-of-factly. Dean stared at him a long moment. Sure he knew they were together and that Cas at least were it for him, but… he’d just never put it into words. He never labeled it a relationship.

“What did you think?” Cas asked his eyes suddenly a bit wary. 

“I… uh, the same I guess… I just…”

Cas pulled one leg under himself as he turned towards Dean. His eyes were sad and careful. 

“Dean, tell me… did you. God, did you sleep with someone else? Because I always we were exclusive in spite of the distance.” He said quietly. 

“No, Cas, of course I didn’t.” Dean insisted. 

“Then why are you asking about this all of a sudden?”

“Because I wanted to know why we’re keeping up this long distance thing.” Dean told him. Cas made a motion with his hands. 

“Because we’re busy in our separate cities?” Cas tried. 

“You really believe that?” Dean asked.

Sometimes, in the darker times, Dean thought maybe they just wouldn’t be able to make things work if they moved in together. It wasn’t like they had even been able to be that close for so long, and so maybe things would just turn out to be different than they thought. 

“I really don’t know. I thought we were kind of pleased with what we had.”

“Sure, I’m not complaining, just curious why we’re not… I don’t know at least living in the same city.” Dean muttered. Cas sat up and looked a lot more interested. 

“I didn’t think that was an option.” 

“Why not?”

“Because you’re working at your station where your father worked and you have all of your friends, and I am here. I have a gallery opening coming up, I have buyers here and can’t afford to move. So I just didn’t think we’d have that option.”

Dean sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. Why hadn’t they talked about this before? Cas nodded and gave Dean a peck on his cheek. 

“I thought so. That’s why we shouldn’t talk about it.” Cas told him. 

“But I want to. If I moved here would you want that?” Dean asked. He wanted to be with Cas and he was tired of all this distance-crap.

“Dean, your job and your family…” Cas said. 

“They’ll be there when I visit. I just need to know if this is something you’d want.” Dean said looking him in the eye. 

Cas gave him a shy little smile. “With all the effort we make to be together, I’d say we are just about ready to take the next step, don’t you think?” 

Dean huffed a laugh and pulled Cas down on the bed closer to him. He kissed the top of his head and promised they’d start working on that in the morning. 

For a while they were lying like that. Dean grabbed another beer and Cas was concentrating on his drawing again. The comfortable silence in the room had Dean humming and Cas let a hand run through Dean’s hair from time to time. 

This was what their lives would be like, Dean realized. Sure not every day would be this calm and happy, but this was still their future. The one they would be sharing with each other. He could like that. For all of his life, ever since he met Cas, all he really wanted was a chance to be with him. Just like this. Like best friends and lovers.


End file.
